Dojo Day: Intoxicated Edition

It's our twenty-first Dojo Day article, so i decided to take Dojo out for his first drink. Seeing as "Dojo" is actually an online column, and therefore cannot sit next to me and drink, I ended up drinking my troubles away, ending up spectacularly drunk.

Then, amidst my massive hangover, I was hit with a startling and distressing piece of news that wouldn't have bothered anyone else in the slightest. But since my ears really hurt, and I was sure that the once-straight staircase had been replaced by a nice spiral one, the news hit me real hard. Here it is, but make sure you're good and sober when you read it, or you might end up at the bottom of a straightened staircase with a three-day-long concussion. (Okay, I'm not 21, and no I didn't get drunk, legal people. It's a joke.)

Ice Climbers-Final Smash: With "Iceberg," The twins send down a massive Iceberg that takes up most of the screen, makes the remaining ledges slippery, and freezes anyone it touches.

Smart Bomb: Hailing from the Starfox universe, this deadly item creates a massive explosion when thrown. The Smart Bomb, as well as things like the Pokemon Electrode, will occasionally just not explode at all.

Color Changes: I've been arguing for full costume changes for the longest time, but what do they do? Yep, they give us more cheap color changes in an attempt to imitate costume changes. You can change the color of your character as usual for Smash Bros., but this time they are trying a little harder to make the colors look like different characters. there's Fire Mario, Dark Link, Dark Fox, Fusion Suit Samus, Ocarina of Time Zelda, and Snakes with different camouflage. While these are pretty cool, the character models never change, so that options like Corrupted Samus or a true Ocarina of Time Link are impossible.

Saki Amamiya: In the "pretty frickin' sweet" category, Saki from the cult classic Sin and Punishment is an Assist Trophy. The game was never released in America until just recently, when Nintendo kindly translated and released the N64 game on the Virtual Console. Saki wields a "Cannon Sword" that predictably acts as both a gun and a sword, and does the usual beat-everybody-up Assist Trophy routine.

Lucas-Final Smash: With Smash Ball in hand, Lucas rains fiery destruction upon his foes as comets of energy fall from the sky and decimate both the stage and his opponents. Meanwhile, Lucas and Sakurai stand in the corner taking turns at punching a bound and gagged Ness in the face.

It's really annoying that we didn't get something as cool as costume changes. I mean, playing as something like one of the Metroid Prime Samuses, or Shadow the Hedgehog, or Ocarina of Time Link, Zelda, or Ganondorf, maybe even being able to keep Ness in the game as a costume of Lucas. Those things would be a ton of fun, if only we weren't stuck with the same costume format we've had for two games already.

All of my mad (often alcohol-induced) rantings about costume changes have been in vain! IN VAIN, my friends! 'Tis a sad day for everyone who cares about costume model changes in Super Smash Bros. Brawl (i.e. me).

[via Smash Bros. Dojo]